Here is My Soul in a Picture
by Eleanor Boudreau 

There are pictures of me sitting on the beach in Miami reading Heart of Darkness
tanning, wearing a bikini—just miserable.
And this is my metaphor for misery. Savage, savage misery—
I hate that book, I really do.

I’m miserable. I’m wearing a bikini.
It has been very well documented that Conrad, in his life, was a racist. And he was.
But I have to read the bastard. I hate that book, I really do.
But there are sections where the Africans are portrayed positively and I think that
examining these makes for a more interesting [moral] discussion.

That [grey] horse in the yard is a racist. A grey horse—by the way—is a horse with white
hair and black skin.
I don’t think anyone in the book comes off very well. The Europeans were bastards,
and the Africans aren’t portrayed very positively
and part of that is the bias of the author, and the other part is the fault of humanity.

The birds diving behind the houses. The Europeans were bastards.
You were savage, savage to me.
I’m so miserable I can’t even write it out: miser.
Is this the fault of the author? I’m checking my body for wounds—everything I touch
hurts like sun-burnt fingers gripping the pages—I’m checking my body for wounds—
and you say, “It is just a paper-cut”
                                                            —savagery—
I’m miserable, everything I touch hurts
and you say, “It is just a paper-cut”—Savagery—
“It is just a paper-cut.”

—savagery—
—Savagery—

I stick the knife in my mouth—I myself—
and stop myself
I stick the knife in my mouth to cut my tongue out—I myself—and stop myself

The horse in the yard is a racist.
I didn’t know how to get out of this without making a joke.
I didn’t know how to go on without
making a joke. And so that horse in the yard is a racist.

The two dogs in the park tangle their leashes so much
I can’t tell who owns the puppy and who owns the retriever

A he bird hops by with an oval leaf in his beak
A he bird takes off with an oval leaf in his beak.

He doesn’t have a mouth.

A picture of me sitting on the beach reading Heart of Darkness

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